i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
