Whod you bang
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
