DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
