Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize