Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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