It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize