why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i believe in u and ur pee
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
