i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
