WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
