If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
