Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do herpes really smell.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
