someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
