alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
