Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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