this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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