Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
