i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize