I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
