I puked a lego.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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