I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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