dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
