why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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