maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
