Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
