I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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