Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
