what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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