My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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