only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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