I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize