We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
