Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
