I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
