All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
