am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
