Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
