he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
