We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
