Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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