Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
