I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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