i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
