I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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