I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
