I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
