You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
