my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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