i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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