Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
