I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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