Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
