I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize