My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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