I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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