Will you blow on my dice?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
