farters have to be the big spoon...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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