Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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