And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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