Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize