We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
