You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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