after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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