ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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