I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
