My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
