We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am one with the molecules
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
