I just made out with a guy for $7.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
