love makes seman taste better
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
