I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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