You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize