forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
