I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize